It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
