Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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