I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
handjob tips. give me some.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize