Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pants are for mortals
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
