the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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