I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
