I'm gonna have a badass scar
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
