I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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