my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
