It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
