You're my little dorito
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
