Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
