HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
