I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
