And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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