you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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