I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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