Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
