There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
