if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
