after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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