I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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