Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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