My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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