I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
