I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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