you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
