I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
