he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
