Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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