what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
