i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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