im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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