What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
