Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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