Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
