I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
