On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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