Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
