piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
