so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
