Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
