Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
