Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
These tits shall not be calmed
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
