I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
