TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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