From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
