That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i came on her dog
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize