70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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