It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
