You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Nicole vs. Life
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
