now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
