I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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