I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
