I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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