What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
