:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
