you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
