How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
