I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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