It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
