I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
God I need to hump something, right now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
